whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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