im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
