Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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