508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
