Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
