hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
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Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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