foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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