so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
