He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
