By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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