It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
