no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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