So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
