who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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