I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
