There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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