Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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