i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
time to smoke my breakfast
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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