I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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