so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
