marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
