i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Green mimosas i think yes
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
