white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
