seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
