Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
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We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
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did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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