The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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