Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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