The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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