Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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