just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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