my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
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