I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
