there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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