She said her name was "party"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
