HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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