I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
