Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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