So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
