Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
