And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
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