Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
