every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
