pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
