apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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