mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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