His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
