So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
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I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
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ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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