Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Randomize
