I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
