if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
