im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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