your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
