Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
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everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
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i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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