Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
