I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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