no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
