I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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