i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
