worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
