eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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