She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There r osticjed everywhere
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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