you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I forget how to act sober
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
