id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
