fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
