Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
