Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
