I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
