Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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