she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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