you didnt know i had herpes?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
