If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
