Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
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I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
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I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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