At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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