Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
