Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
