Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
