My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
